Monday, January 2, 2017

Movie review: Yoga Hosers

Sophomore Colleen and her bestie Colleen spend most of their time doing yoga and playing on their phones until receiving an invitation to a Senior party. Discovering an ancient evil, the Winnipeg teens team up with a man hunter to ensure the party will go on.

Lily-Rose Depp (Colleen C), Harley Quinn Smith (Colleen M), Adam Brody (Ichabod), Johnny Depp (Guy Lapointe), Kevin Smith (The Bratzis), Stan Lee (Dispatcher), Jack Depp ('Peg Son), Tyler Posey (Gordon).

The Colleens' are a couple of airhead Canadian sophomore teens who enjoy nothing more than yoga and their cell phones. Invited to a senior party by a hot guy, the two start making preparations when all hell breaks loose in the form of Nazi created monsters. Teaming up with man hunter Guy, they may still make it to the party.

Given the talent, and probably money, put into this film you would think it was more than a thin attempt by Johnny Depp and Kevin Smith to elevate their daughters to the big screen. You would be wrong.

Acting here was a mess. To say Rose Depp or Quinn Smith were acting would be a stretch given the material they were presenting which was only mildly more interesting than toilet water. Brody was okay while Johnny Depp was entirely uninteresting. Smith, as all of the Bratzis, should have been discarded in favor of CGI.

Camera work, sets, and backgrounds were another mild mess. Action scenes, and CGI, were disappointing to say the least. Dialogue was immature and lacked any kind of quality. Sound and soundtrack might appeal to someone, somewhere.

Quite simply; do not waste your time on this one. If Smith and Depp wanted to support their daughters they would have been better served to simply write them each a check.

With some mild sexual references, comedic violence, and serious risk of brain damage, this should be fine for teens and older adults on hallucinogenic drugs.

Released: 2016
Reviewed: 12.19.16
Star rating: 1 out of 5
Genre: Comedy, Horror, Horror Comedy, Teen Screams, B-movie

copyright ©2017 Dave Riedel

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